


you're my missing puzzle piece

by skyfalljaem



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Break Up, chensung if you squint, i think, luwoo if you squint - Freeform, markhyuck if you squint, nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyfalljaem/pseuds/skyfalljaem
Summary: It's Jeno's birthday, and the one person he wants to be there isn't.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	you're my missing puzzle piece

Jeno's vision kept going out of focus as he sat alone on Lucas' couch, despite the fact that the entire party was for him. Or maybe it wasn't, maybe they just used him as an excuse to get drunk off their asses and blame it on the alcohol. But you know what they say, a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Jeno abruptly brought his head back up to gaze out at his classmates, spotting Mark and Lucas playing beer pong with Donghyuck and Jungwoo behind their boyfriends, cheering them on, Renjun was talking with Sicheng and Kun, a glass of alcohol in his hand as the three of them stood in the corner, watching the party like him. He spotted Chenle and Jisung sitting on the stools in the kitchen, not even paying attention to anyone else around them. Jeno smiled bitterly, that was him and Jaemin once, too.

Jeno pushed himself up from the seat, avoiding hands that tried to grab at him to get his attention as he made his way to the sliding doors that led to the backyard. He closed it behind him, thankful for the fact that no one else was outside -- he just wanted to be alone. He wanted for that to happen all day, but when he had friends like the ones he had ... it just wasn't possible. His friends wouldn't leave him alone the whole day, and while any other day he would be very thankful of it, the one day he didn't want a distraction, they gave him all the attention in the world. Sighing, he sat down on the dewy grass, his hands propping him up as he stared up at the night sky.

He wished there wasn't so much pollution, then maybe he'd be able to see the same amount of stars he used to be able to when he was a kid. He remembered when he'd climb onto the roof even though he wasn't supposed to, and then Jaemin would slowly climb across a branch to get to Jeno's roof so they could look at them together. They'd stay up all night, counting the stars and trying to connect the dots to say which ones they were. They were always tired the next day, but they didn't care. It stayed that way up until they were sixteen, where instead they replaced climbing onto Jeno's roof with crawling into each other's bed, and cuddling and talking the entire night. Their friends called them crazy, as they saw the dark circles under their eyes the next day. But they only smiled and changed the topic.

Jeno let out a breath, blinking the tears that had suddenly appeared in his eyes. He wouldn't cry, he didn't want to. It wasn't good to dwell about the past, he remembered his mom saying right after him and Jaemin broke up. She didn't get it, she didn't have to go through a breakup like he had -- his parents were the perfect example of the cheesy romantic movies where first loves never broke up and had a happy ending, marrying and having kids. Jeno blinked again. The romance movies lied, that never happened with him and Jaemin.

"You know, it's kind of sad to be alone on your birthday," Jeno's blood froze at the familiar voice, tempting him to turn around but he refrained from doing so, "Especially when there's a whole birthday party for you a couple feet away." He heard footsteps come closer to him, and felt the overwhelming presence of Na Jaemin standing behind him.

"But what if I want to be alone?" Jeno murmured, eyes half closed as he moved his stare from the sky to his feet. Suddenly remembering the drink he had brought with him, he brought it up to his lips and swallowed it with one gulp. He felt the familiar burn glide through his throat, feeling relieved at the feeling of something else other than pain.

"No one actually wants to be alone on their birthday," Jaemin sighed and Jeno wanted to turn around so bad, but he couldn't.

"No, they don't," Jeno agreed quietly, running his thumb over his glass before he set it down next to him. I just want you.

"So, then explain to me why you're out here, all alone, on your birthday," he could see Jaemin's hand move in the corner of his eye, assuming he gestured to the empty backyard.

"I'm not alone, Jaemin," he swallowed, picking at the grass as he said his name, "You're here."

"Eh," Jaemin suddenly sat beside him, making him tense up. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. "Details. What's on your mind, Jeno?"

"You," Jeno blurted out, and for once, didn't feel regret since him and Jaemin broke up. He felt relieved, having wanting to say it to Jaemin for so long.

Jaemin was silent for a moment before chuckling dryly, "You don't mean that."

"No?" Jeno murmured, tilting his head as he kept his gaze in front of him. "You know the saying, a drunken man's words is a sober man's thoughts."

Jaemin was silent again, but this time, he didn't talk first. Jeno did.

"You know, I thought I was getting over you," Jeno chuckled slightly, shaking his head, "Because I wasn't thinking about you as much. But no, it was just because I had distractions throughout the day that made me not think about you. When I would arrive home, to a silent house, was when you would find your way back into my mind. And it hurt all over again."

"Jeno ..."

"Sh," Jeno whispered, shaking his head. "Let me talk." At Jaemin's silence, he assumed that it was okay for him to go ahead, "I wouldn't get out of bed for weeks, you know? Not until Renjun basically broke my door down-" He could practically feel Jaemin staring holes into his head at that, and chuckled, "With the help of Johnny-hyung, and forced me to get up and take a shower. The guys were basically babysitting me until I got fed up and promised them I’d take care of myself. And I did. But it didn’t mean the pain went away. I had just learned to distract myself from it. I still felt the pain, etching away at my heart slowly. They thought I was OK, that everything was OK but I wasn’t— not really. Not without you by my side.”

“I thought it was for the best,” Jaemin said after a pause. “I mean, the fighting all the time and just going back to each other after a couple of hours, not apologizing or talking it through was exhausting. So I thought I did what was best— I mean, clearly I was OK. I was still going to class, eating, taking care of myself like normal—“ Jeno was sure Jaemin didn’t mean to, but it hurt to hear that while Jeno couldn’t get himself out of bed, Jaemin was acting normal. “— But there was always the feeling that my heart had literally been torn in half, and I wouldn’t get it back. It felt like I was missing something, a piece of me.”

Jeno faced Jaemin for the first time that night and felt his breath catch in his throat, like it always did. Jaemin’s hair was no longer pink, instead now a blue. If he ever thought pink was Jaemin’s color, blue was clearly better. At the sight of his ex-boyfriend, he felt like his heart was stuttering.

“I didn’t realize what until I got back home for Christmas, and was in my old bedroom. I was looking at my walls, and I probably had hundreds of pictures up there, and almost all of them included you. And I realized it then, that you were my missing puzzle piece. And I was the one who lost you.” Jaemin let out a shuddering breath, eyes teary as he turned to face Jeno. “You don’t have to forgive me, Jeno. I wouldn’t. But I can’t let myself live with the fact that I ruined both our relationship and friendship, and just walked away without saying why.”

“It wasn’t just your fault,” Jeno whispered hoarsely. “It was both of ours— the fighting, us breaking up. I didn’t apologize for the fights, or talk through why we were so frustrated with one another. And I didn’t break into your apartment, demanding why you broke up with me. I just let it happen. And that was one of the worst mistakes of my life.” A tear fell from his eye, but he didn’t make a move to wipe it away.

Jaemin stared at the tear before exhaling and looking back up at the sky before turning to look into his eyes, “I am so sorry, Jeno. For just breaking up with you without giving you a reason, for whatever I said or did during our fights, for never apologizing and forcing you to talk through it with me.”

Jeno smiled slowly, glancing down at the grass before back up, “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t apologize either, and I just let you break up with me like that— especially that, when I should’ve. Especially because we’ve been best friends for so long, I didn’t want our friendship to end, too.”

”Me neither,” Jaemin whispered. He glanced behind their shoulders before looking at Jeno again, a soft smile on his lips, the lips Jeno so desperately ached to kiss for the longest. “Happy birthday, Jen. I missed you.”

”I missed you more,” Jeno chuckled, but this time, it wasn’t from bitterness. It was relief, relief that they had finally talked it out somewhat, and even though they weren't getting back together, he still had him as his best friend.

The two were silent for a while before Jaemin broke it, “Um ... Do you— do you think we’ll ever go back to the way we were? Like ... not now, obviously but ... when we’re better.”

Jeno stared at Jaemin and slowly nodded, a smile finding its way onto his lips, “Yeah. I know we will. Because we’ll always find our way back to each other.”

Jaemin grinned back, the same grin that Jeno fell in love with all those years ago, before he looked back at the sky, “Hey, I think that’s Orion!”

Jeno laughed, “I can’t even see any stars out!”

”No, no, you’re blind, remember? It’s right there—“

Jeno smiled, watching Jaemin attempt to point out Orion. They didn’t get back together so quickly like all the movies said, because they both had to work on things before they could, to refrain from making the same mistakes all over again. But he was OK with that, because like he said, Jaemin was Jaemin and Jeno was Jeno, and they were best friends— they would always find their way back to each other, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> um so yeah . i haven't ever written a fic that's focused on a ship so i hope this is ok ??
> 
> also i have made a twitter — the @ is the same as my username here. skyfalljaem and i write social media aus on there too so !! go follow


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